How to Take Up More Space in Your Life

It’s easy to believe, as a woman, that your priority should be to take up as little space as possible. Physically. Societally. Egotistically. Powerfully. It’s what we’ve been taught. But that social script is changing – and it’s getting louder all the time. Take charge of that change in your own life – take up more space.

What does it mean to take up space?

How do you learn how to take up space when faced with push back?

How does taking up space affect you – short term and long term?

Can taking up space reverberate through all corners of your life?

How do you take up space in a room where you feel like you don’t belong?

You take up space with your body.

With your voice.

With you self-love.

With empowerment.

What exactly does it mean to “take up space”?

You have the right to exist as you are. The right to have an opinion. You can speak without apologizing. Go after your own goals. Have a body that you are proud of and that doesn’t need to follow a social standard or be explained. Choose.

Your believing in every single one of those statements is taking up space.

It sounds so simple.

And yet it’s far from that.

Historically speaking, a women’s role and power has been limited by others. Limited to certain spheres of living, at certain strengths and with no uncertain parameters. Her body has been judged and culturally molded to demand a certain look.

To eat/not eat certain foods.

To wear/not wear certain clothing.

To lift weights or to do cardio.

To weigh a certain amount.

That’s changing. But change comes one person at a time.

And if you’re not taking up space – now’s the time to learn how.

Take Up More Space in Your Life

Making a stance for your own body and your own confidence has reverberating positive effects inside and out.

Add your needs and goals to your priority list

It is not wrong to place importance on other peoples’ needs and goals. Maybe you are a mom. I’m not a mom but I understand that your children often come first. Maybe you have a career and a demanding boss. And believe me when I say that I understand, your career/financial stability goals can feel important to the point of takeover.

But when the needs of others so completely overwhelm your own needs it takes a toll.

It is not selfish to add your own needs and your own priorities to your Important Things To Do list. In fact, creating and maintaining a high regard for yourself, and for caring for yourself, is key to being your best as a human/mom/wife/friend/child/boss/employee, and all of the other hats you might wear.

When you choose to take care of yourself you recharge the batteries. Imagine if, instead of waiting until your battery was completely depleted, you gave it a little surge of life every single day?

You’d never run on empty. You’d be able to completely engage and immerse yourself in day to day life. You’ll have more energy and positivity in the face of all of life’s twists and turns.

What do you need to do to satisfy your needs and goals?

Do you need to work out?
See your girlfriends for a let-loose night out?
How about a little “me time”?

Schedule those wonderful pieces of your happiness and health into the mix. It is possibly the least selfish thing on your to do list.

Talk about your goals and advocate for yourself

Your goals are important. I know it. You know it. Who else knows it?

Speaking up can be terrifying. But to take up more of the space that you deserve, sometimes you have to face that fear and advocate for yourself.

The first step: believe in yourself. Know your worth. Believe in the importance of what you want and need. You are strong. You are worthwhile. You are willing to do what it takes to take care of yourself.

The second step: communicate it. The more that you can talk about a goal, the more substance it takes on. It grows in strength and realness. Convince others of it’s (your) worth, and they will advocate for you and your goals in turn.

Ask for the support/help you need

One of the reasons many of my clients (most of whom are female), have trouble eating healthier at home is because they don’t want to cook multiple meals for their husbands/kids. Husbands and kids want certain foods in the house. They’re not necessarily concerned with or interested in the same things you are.

If you don’t workout regularly/stick to a diet/feel like you have a moment to yourself to focus on your goals because…

You feel like you have no time in your schedule because it is packed with familial obligations (picking up, dropping off, cooking, taking care of a home).

Your work schedule is so busy that you never get out before 6 pm.

Your girlfriends don’t seem to care about working out or getting healthy.

I have to ask you one question…

Have you asked for support?

I’m willing to bet that if you sat with your family or your friends, explained your goals for yourself and how happy accomplishing them would make you feel, that they would want to support you. Ask for time. Could someone at home help cook, or do the grocery shopping? Would your kids be willing to try some new foods?

There’s probably someone in your group of friends who has the same concerns/similar goals that you do. Your bringing up alternatives for girls night out, or finding a workout buddy, might be the saving grace for more than just yourself!

I’ve found that when my clients do actually turn around and ask their family and friends for support, their surprised by the enthusiastic “YES”. Your loved ones want to support you! Your happiness is their happiness too. I don’t promise that making your kids eating more vegetables will be easy – at least at the start. But there are strategies and resources out there to be found that can help!

Take up space with the people you love. The more, the merrier.

Stop apologizing for things that you aren’t doing wrong

Thing happens that is entirely not your fault and perhaps doesn’t even involve you personally, but you don’t like it when someone else feels put out so…”

Me: “Oh gosh, I’m sorry”.

Anyone else: “Don’t say sorry, it’s not your fault”.

Me: “Sorry. Dop! I mean…”

Who else has been there, done that?

Stop saying that you are sorry for things that are not your fault. Unless you have slammed the door in someone’s face, or been rude to a friends, or forgotten your mom’s birthday (all cases that you should definitely give a heart felt apology)…”sorry” is not an acceptable unit of vocabulary for every and all conversations. *Note to self.

Most of the time we say sorry because we can’t immediately find the words to explain how we really feel. Sorry is a compassionate, accepted way of navigating a potential obstacle or unpleasantry. But when you say sorry you take on blame, whether real or imagined.

Respect others, and respect yourself.

Instead of apologizing, pause. Decide if your apology is required. When it is, admit you’re wrong. When it isn’t, think about how you would like the situation to move productively forward if the switch was flipped.

This works at home, at the office, out in public, at the gym. When you start to practice this technique, your space grows. You take up more space with positive, well-intended and well thought out energy.

Share your wins

You have the right to your goals. You have a right to work for them. And you have the right to be proud of them. To celebrate them – publicly even!

Did you know that the act of celebrating changes your physiologically? Feelings of celebration release endorphins, which heighten your sense of joy. You feel it both physically and emotionally. Acknowledging that is going to reinforce your desire for more.

Now when you share that win and let others celebrate with you? You multiple the effects.

Let your successes take up more space.

Accept compliments

In our society, self-criticism is normal. It’s not okay. But it’s widely accepted as ordinary thing to do. We’re so obsessed with our own self-criticisms sometimes that we make it impossible for ourselves to accept a compliment without making an excuse, a joke or brushing it off.

Taking up space is about empowerment. Confidence. Claiming your right to feel good and express pride in yourself.

When you start to accept compliments, you start to believe them. Don’t waste positive energy by dismissing the compliment. You will start to strengthen your inner confidence and beat back your own insecurities.

If someone gives you a compliment – that was their choice. Thank them, and own it.