Give Yourself Permission

What happens when you give yourself permission? What happens when you decided, finally and purposefully, to allow yourself permission to fully acknowledge that feeling, eat that food, respond to that reaction, take that time?

We live life in a precarious balance between using will-power to hold ourselves back and feeling sinfully out of control and free. A lot if not most of what we hold ourselves back from are things that we’ve dubbed as unacceptable over time. Indulging in another slice of pizza. Saying no to a request in order to have a moment to ourselves. Saying what we really feel when someone has hurt our feelings.

Nothing is inherently wrong with these things. There is nothing wrong with pizza, or alone-time, or your provoked reaction to someone else’s behavior. But for a variety of reasons, we believe we should hold back. We don’t give ourselves permission.

Holding back does more harm than good. Giving yourself permission makes you stronger, healthier, happier and gives you more trust in yourself. Giving yourself permission is taking back power.

Give yourself permission to eat the forbidden food.

Unconditional permission to eat whatever food you want might feel out of control. Believe me, as a recovered anorexic I know all about eating and feelings of control. When you tell yourself that you are not allowed to eat food “X”, you give that food way more power and way more emotional influence than it deserves. You give away your own power.

A lot of the decisions that we make about food are black and white because that makes it easier. Eat this, do not eat that. This is good, this is bad. These rules protect us when we feel that we a) don’t really understand the health/nutrition factor, b) can’t control ourselves around that food and c) want to fit in with a society that is unforgiving to a woman’s body.

When you give up those rules and give yourself permission to eat whatever food you’re craving, a few things happen.

First, maybe you DO overindulge. You’ve been saying “no” to french fries for so long that they’ve now gained this aura of power. It’s fun and delicious and you feel a bit wicked for eating them.

Over time, that food loses it’s overwhelming appeal.They’re not forbidden, they’re not regulated, they just are. And so your urge to eat them dissipates. Believe me when I tell you that your body will tell you when it’s had enough french fries.

You’ll realize that you don’t feel great when you eat them. So instead of forbidding that food without knowing why (except that a magazine once told you they turn into straight belly fat), you simply stop eating them because you recognize how your body feels. You have the power to choose.

Trust yourself, you’ll learn what your true cravings are. Forget the rules because intuitively, you know what’s best for you.

Related post: Stop Obsessing Over Food Rules

Give yourself permission to spend money on your health.

Your health is an investment, not an expense. If you don’t invest in it now, you will certainly pay for it later.

You know what studies show: a healthy lifestyle and frequent exercise combat chronic illness and disease. You’ve heard it, you believe it. But it’s a hard thing to visualize. And so it’s hard to justify spending money on staying healthy now. Especially when you have other expenses in your life and you feel guilty spending money on something like a membership to a gym or sessions with a personal trainer.

When you give yourself permission to do those things, you dramatically increase not only the effect on your health, but your enjoyment of the whole process of getting healthy.

Imagine going to a gym that you pay $10 a month for. It’s clean and cavernous, but you don’t feel particularly welcomed by the front desk staff, they don’t have the equipment that you want and it’s not particularly motivating. How long do you think you’ll keep going back for?

Now imagine a gym that’s more expensive, say, $99 a month. It’s also clean, but the front desk staff is super upbeat and welcoming, there is a trainer on staff every day of the week (whom you get 1 free session with upon sign up), there’s a variety of equipment said trainer is willing to show you how to use, the music is pumping, the classes are free, you can purchase a protein smoothie after your workout and you actually enjoy going.

Not only will you go to gym #2, you’ll enjoy going and you’ll get more out of it!

When you give yourself permission to spend money on your health, the result is immediate. The massage that you’ve been holding out on transforms the way you move and feel. The trainer that you finally booked sessions with has completely turned you fitness level around and has you on a great track. The nutrition coach that you thought was a frivolous indulgence has transformed the way you think and feel about food and your own relationship with eating.

Give yourself permission to spend money on finding the healthy lifestyle that makes you thrive. It will change your life.

Give yourself permission to say “no”.

You are not the mirror of everybody that you meet. It is not your responsibility to make everyone else comfortable, satisfied, sane or happy. It is your responsibility to make yourself comfortable, satisfied, sane and happy.

I fully ascribe to the belief that you should say “YES” to inviting all sorts of people, opportunities and challenges into your life. But there something to be said for the power that is “no”.

Saying “yes” to something or someone you feel obligated to comes from the strong desire to please, to be liked, to be polite. Valid. But those reasons don’t justify your own misery, dissatisfaction, exhaustion or discomfort. Say “yes” only after honestly giving yourself permission to say “no”.

Start with understanding your gut response. If your gut response is “yes”, go for it. If it’s not, ask yourself why. What’s making you hesitate?

Give yourself absolute permission to say “no” to things that don’t serve you. Don’t want to go to that friend of a friends party because you’re uncomfortable there? “No” is okay. Don’t want to take on that extra project at work because you’re exhausted and you know you wouldn’t be able to do ANY of your work well? “No” is okay.

Saying “yes” doesn’t make you a great person. Saying “no” doesn’t make you an awful person. Harmonizing your actions with your feelings makes you a happier person.

Give yourself permission to speak your mind.

It is human nature to fear rejection. When you give yourself permission to communicate what matters to you, you give yourself peace of mind no matter the consequence. Harboring your feelings does nothing but bottle up negative energy and regret.

The belief that you do not have permission to speak your mind is self-limiting. Growth comes from boundaries pushed, and when you do not give yourself permission to overcome those boundaries and voice your opinion, you get too comfortable in the status quo. Those are zero growth moments.

Don’t doubt yourself. Don’t let your perception of other people’s perceptions cloud your judgement and silence your mind. Be bold in the pursuit of self-confidence and growth. Give yourself permission to speak.

Give yourself permission to change your mind.

“I changed my mind. I did not know then what I know now.” – Mother Theresa

How many times have you done something simply because you’ve always done it? Humans do not stand like rocks through time. The ones that did do not exist anymore. Humans learn, adapt and make decisions based on now, not then. Humans change. You change.

Fact: your cells regenerate at such a rate that you are physiologically a different person than you were ten years ago.

You are not the same person you were ten years ago. Hopefully, if you are living and learning and growing, you are not the same person you were yesterday. You are allowed to change your mind.

And you should. Ten years ago, I had an eating disorder and my mind told me that THE most important thing in life was being as thin as possible. If I had not changed my mind, I not be alive today.

Who were you ten years ago? What beliefs did you have then that don’t serve you now? What changed? Why was that change okay?

Consider the things that you do today that maybe don’t feel as right as they once did. Give yourself permission to change your mind and make those things right again.

Do you ever feel like you’ve had enough of the flip-my-world-upside-down fitness and nutrition resolutions that seem to last for all of two weeks but never get you anywhere? I created the Best Self Challenge for someone like you. The most life-changing transformations that I’ve ever been through or seen other’s go through come from small, consistent, daily changes that adapt themselves to life. That’s what the Best  Self Challenge is. If you’re interested, click on the picture about and I’ll tell you a bit more about this free challenge and how it can change your health and your life.