Build Confidence in the Gym

You want to build confidence in the gym? Who could blame you? Scantily clad women. Mirrors on every wall. An overarching mood of wanting your body to look better naked. The Playboy mansion? Nope…just your average gym floor.

Luckily, real-deal strategies exist to to help you build confidence in the gym and overcome your fears of stepping up to the squat rack.

Does it feel like some people are born with more than their fair-share of self-confidence? Like that chick working out in her sports bra over there, or the Instagram models who have seemingly zero qualms about posting thong shots (like, doesn’t your dad follow your account?)…why were they blessed with confidence and you’re over here convincing yourself that your shoes don’t make your feet look dorky?

Girl, I feel you.

And while there is something to be said for “fake it till you make it”, you can (and should), take active steps in developing confidence at the gym.

\Will it spill over into real life? Yep. And that’s a good thing because once you open that door, the heights confidence can take you to are endless.

I tell my fitness and nutrition clients (and myself), to make small changes in their daily life to create real, lasting, transformational change. Same goes here: your first step in developing confidence does not come in the form of showing off your Victoria’s Secret sports bra to the entire gym. Baby steps, girlfriend, make the confident woman.

Quiet your inner critic.

Confession: one of the most powerful recovery tools I discovered when I was fighting anorexia was separating my idea of my true self from my eating disorder. My therapist and I named my eating disorder ED, so that I could easily call out ED for being a complete and utter asshole without hurting my own feelings. In naming my eating disorder I could more easily identify when ED was being irrational and harmful, and Julia, the real, knows-the-healthy-answer Julia who’d been lost for a while, could make a smarter, more positive decision.

That little voice in your head that whispers things like “you’re stomach isn’t flat enough to workout in your sports bra” (even when it’s the middle of summer), and “you shouldn’t go into the free weight room you don’t know what you’re doing”…that’s your inner critic and it’s time to tell her to shut the bleep up.

Why does your inner critic even exist? She exists to protect you from the risk of potential embarrassment or failure. Your inner critic is always insisting that you be more, better, fitter, slimmer than you are now. And while that can obviously be a positive drive to be all of those things, when your inner critic’s negativity overpowers your sincere concern and ambition to be your best, it’s actually undermining you and is detrimental to your health and happiness.

Too often, your inner critic is so harsh and so loud that you give in and don’t act. Or you do act and when you succeed, instead of celebrating you breathe a sigh of relief that you didn’t fail.

What do you do to shut your inner critic up and build confidence in the gym?

• Give your inner critic a Name. IC (pronounced “ick”, would do nicely).
• Identify when your inner critic has stepped in to take control. If you feel her marching to the front line as soon as you step foot in the gym (or change into your workout gear, or step on to the mat), acknowledge her presence and recognize that your inner critic’s opinions aren’t necessarily your truth.
• Let yourself hear those thoughts, not just sense them as embarrassment or despair. As soon as you can acknowledge exactly what your inner critic is afraid of, you can separate that thought from the what Actual-You, standing there in your gym shoes, knows.
• Respond to your inner critic. FIGHT BACK! Come up with a list of retorts to fire back with when your inner critic speaks up. BE READY.
• Refuse to act upon the opinion of your inner critic.

Concentrate on what you are good at.

What do you know you do well?

What have you improved upon in the last few weeks/months/years?

Confident people know that they are both capable and competent.

You are capable and competent.

I’m not talking “earned my PhD accomplishments” necessarily (although if you have your PhD that’s a lot of hard work and congrats are in order). Maybe last week you held a plank for 30 seconds longer than you did last month. Or you lost 5 pounds. Maybe you can run a 5k. Maybe you are new to working out but damn it, you’re here!

If you asked your best friend what you should feel confident about, what would she tell you?

Write down 5-10 body, fitness or exercise accomplishments that you are proud of. Keep this list somewhere you can see it frequently. Before you walk into the gym, or as you are getting ready, reread your list and remind yourself of your successes.

Most importantly, let yourself feel good about what you have accomplished!

I’ll repeat that: let yourself feel good about what you have accomplished.

Stop comparing yourself to anyone else.

Those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter. -Dr. Seuss

Stop comparing yourself to anyone else, including who you used to be.

When you look at another person in the gym and consider them “confident”, remember that you are making decisions based solely on your perception of that person’s perception. There is no way to know if another person is as confident as you label them to be.

We are constantly comparing ourselves to other people on social media, in magazines and movies. Remember: that’s not real life. Those people are marketing and acting – which means they are exuding confidence whether they feel it or not. Instagram models are paid to look confident.

No one in the world can be as good at being you right now as you can be.

Try something new.

Step outside of your comfort zone, often. Get comfortable being uncomfortable.

For most of my life, I avoided doing any activity that I thought I might be bad at. Speaking to a large group of people? What if I suck? Go for the promotion? I’d be humiliated to not get the job. It wasn’t until I started to force myself to try new things (like speaking in public and opening a gym), that I started to realize where confidence comes from.

Confidence comes from expanding your comfort zone.

Moreover, it comes from realizing that you might actually be good at hundreds of things you don’t normally do.

What if you were actually really good at working out (you just never had a reason to do it before)?

There is a chance that you actually LOVE lifting heavy weights (and just don’t know it yet).

What if trying one new thing could open doors that you never knew existed?

Be friendly to everyone around you.

Sometimes we forget that the lady at the front desk, the dude in the Lakers t-shirt with the sleeves cut off and the 20-something year old in the neon green leggings are humans too…and they likely have some of the same confidence complications as you.

Practice saying hello to everyone around you. Engage someone who you never talk to in conversation. You might realize that what you’ve always perceived as snobbishness or indifference in someone else is actually shyness.

I can tell you from experience: the friendlier you are with others, the friendlier they will be with you.

Are you shy around your friends? Nope. But at one point, before you traded secrets and spent hours with each other, you probably were. You probably even have some close friends who, at one point, you thought were total snobs!

Picture this:

You walk into your gym and the front desk staff greets you, by name and with sincere enthusiasm, as you swipe your pass. You say “hello” to the team of treadmill walkers (that you currently pass by without a second glance), and every one of them waves back in reply! Imagine feeling like you belong.

That starts with you.

It feels really nice to walk into a place where everybody knows your name. You can make that happen.

Cheers.